Sunday, 7 March 2010

Tell me something worse

An unremarkable day. The sort of unremarkable day that wanders past my eyeballs and never utters a word. Perhaps this day hates me. Perhaps it is cruelly indifferent to my need to achieve something, anything, by the death toll of midnight. Perhaps it hasn't yet realised that if I do not create something positive in all the horror, the horror, I may hail the next bus to Beachy Head.

Well, thanks to its unremarkable passing, I shall get my own back on the day. I shall mark its irredeemable pointlessness; the day when I did nothing much, except be dull and pointless and unremarkable.

So this is what we did.

Grit: The lynch pin of the family. Without her holding everything together, everything is lost. Sadly, the lynch pin wanders about the house, glum and aimless, sometimes taking the furniture with her. This is called tidying up. Pointless.

Dig: Sits at computer and complains. Sits at computer and complains. Sits at computer and complains. Oh hang on, is it Monday? He normally does that Mondays. And Tuesdays. Wednesdays as well, come to think of it. Thursdays he might stand up and complain, but Friday, Saturday, Sunday, sits at computer and complains.

Tiger: Decides to construct cart for toy wooden horse. Surrounds self with essentials: cardboard, scissors, paper, straws, more cardboard, bamboo skewers, wheels, cut up cardboard, horse. Sets about task happily for ten minutes.

Meets design problem. Axle not long enough to connect wheels under cart. Design solution plan A? Ask mummy to do it. Mummy is strapped to furniture. Design solution plan B? Howl, long, waaahhhhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaahhhh type howling.

Everyone ignores her. Admittedly, mummy Grit may have set the precedent for sitting on the floor surrounded by cut up cardboard and other craft crap, howling, while resembling a bloated frog filled with snotty tears. After ten minutes, Daddy Dig comes in and makes everything alright. Strange, he never did that with me.

Squirrel: Living on Planet Squirrel. Makes fairy costumes from leaves and feathers and tiny silver scales. Sometimes hums. Everyone stops to say coooo and ahhh and lovely.

Shark: Roams about looking for trouble. Makes jellyfish out of chicken wire for papier mache project. Abandons it in bathroom. Makes fairy costume and declares fairies are evil. Wanders off to glower at stuff. Eats loaf of bread. Eyes Squirrel. Wanders about some more, sometimes wearing coat and scowling. Last seen in front room holding head of a koala.

That is what we all did.

Now, I do not want to know what you achieved today if it involves stuff like painting the kitchen, re-roofing the house with one arm tied behind your back, discovering the elixir of life with an old toothbrush and a bottle of lighter fuel, or simply saving the planet and everyone in it.

Go on, make me feel better. Tell me the most pointless moment you had today.


kellyi said...

I walked round Cheddar trying to find a tea shop that sold cream teas (for me) and ice cream (for them) that had a garden in the sun. All day. Found one and then went home as it was 5pm.

Firebird said...

I cleaned out the chicken house, did a bit of knitting, food shopping, ate food, that's about as thrilling as it got I'm afraid.

Sam said...

um...I tidied up the lego, so I could walk across the floor. A little later, I tidied up the lego, so I could walk across the floor. Then I tidied up the lego, so I could walk across the floor.

As a break from this, I had to rummage (for hours) through 4 drawers of lego to find one tiny piece for heartbroken boy. Eventually found it- under the computer chair.

I have no hair left on my head.

sharon said...

Got parcel with new craft stuff on Friday. Decided to take opportunity to reorganise craft room. Now it's Monday, I'm bored rigid, craft room still not finished and I can't remember where I put anything!

On the up side nobody else is wingeing, wailing, or wanting consolation.

PS I have just ordered some more 'must haves' in an on-line sale. Hmmm, where will they go when they arrive . . . .

Big mamma frog said...

Got woken up in the early hours as I discovered that the beautiful hen we hatched last year has had a sex change.

Spent the rest of the day wondering how I was going to lie to the neighbours about having a cockeral. must have been hearing things.

Then wondered if they'd report us to the noise police, who might report us to the Local Authority, who would then find out that we home educate and would then report us to social services who would then take all my children away (and the cockeral) and leave me with a very quiet house.

Then I thought I'd open a bottle of wine and worry about it all another day.

Michelle said...

C fell out of the car into a road (tripped over the door sill - how I ask you?) and didn't see the need to get herself up off the tarmac as quickly as possible. 2 grazed knees and a grazed elbow.

She also walked into a door which is the sort of thing that will happen if you walk forwards whilst looking backwards. It's been that sort of day.

Hold. I've thought of something to link for you. Will be back in a mo.

Michelle said...

I practiced for ages to get 3.74. Em spent much longer and got 3.13.

MadameSmokinGun said...

I moved the ugly tall square shelves on wheels from Minx's room, through the boys' room to the bottom of the stairs that lead to Monkey Boy's room. It wouldn't go up the stairs so I moved them back into Minx's room. Then I cleared a patch in the 'Mouse Room' (ie - attic that leads off my room). Hoovered up lots of mouse poo and lots of cobwebs and threw away lots of mouse poo-covered items I'd forgotten we had. Moved the ugly shelves on wheels through my room to the mouse room. It wouldn't fit through the doorway. Moved them back through my room, Minx's room, the boys' room and down the stairs to the living room, through to the kitchen, out the back door, down the path and back into the 'drum room' (ie damp storeroom) which is directly underneath the mouse room, from which I'd dragged it, covered in mouse poo and cobwebs 3 weeks ago. This sums up my life. Hope it makes you feel better.

Kelly said...

Well at least some people did something. I went to church, dropped child off for baseall and watched series three and four of Doc Martin. All. Day. Long.

Kelly said...

Also periodically used bathroom.

Thames said...

I ate four muffins. Blueberry ones. It may have been five. I lost count.

-A Modern Mother

Rachel M. said...

On the weekend I bought enough material to make 1/2 a shirt. Charlotte was so distracting that I measured incorrectly for my growing belly. Shame, store is a long drive.

K said...

I boiled my new kettle three times. Then left a garbled, incoherent message on my friend's answer phone, to which she replied with a text message sent to my landline.

Grit said...

I am so pleased to know that the world is filled with futility and purposeless activity! You have no idea how much better I feel right now to know that the sum total of human endeavour can be basically described as walking about a bit, then picking up stuff and putting down stuff. I need a national no achievement day *once a month*. Thank you, all!

MadameSmokinGun said...

How about once a week? Better for me.

mack said...

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