I can ignore it for only so long

I give in. I must recognise this irritating stuff, although I have tried to ignore it.

Today, it is very annoying. It stops me going out and doing things. We have to stay at home. Here, I am forced to read Horse Pie. I take my revenge. I make everyone watch Simon Schama and the Reformation.


Here's a back lane in Smalltown. It is enough of a hazard normally, what with staggering down there avoiding the sewage and dead dogs and bypassing the knife fights. And I only want a bottle of beer from the Co op. But after a day at home with the little grits, Simon Schama and the Pie, make that two.


I mean, it was alright when it started, last week. At 6am, I knew something had happened because the road was deathly quiet. It was like Smalltown packed up the veneer of industry for the day. After breakfast, the roads filled up with the neighbours, pelting each other with snowballs. The Evangelical Christians and Fundamentalist Muslims were out there in happy alliance lobbing snowmen heads at each other. The Marxist co-operative was not involved of course. They were off up the park fashioning snow workers and making igloos.

But now look. After the cavorting about, the news has changed. Now the snow is not fun anymore. It is the apocalypse, for us all. And I will die in an avalanche if I attempt to buy beer.


And so it's Friday. Grimly Grit has had enough of crunching about all week with cold toes. She has had enough of children shedding gloves all over the floor asking is there another pair and have we got another carrot. She has had enough of listening to the end of the world on the BBC. And the music workshop at the library was cancelled, because today they closed down the ruddy library.

Bring on a plague of locusts and give us all some light relief.