Here we come

Honestly, Squirrel has ideas above her station. And British Airways might have beds in first class, but down here in economy to Hong Kong, there's folding room only, so tuck in those knees. And stop pointing out that mama has developed an obesity problem on her backside. She knows. Squeezing into that seat may not be possible without emergency liposuction.

Well, apart from the Houdini act required to get in and out of the seats, the twelve hours on board flight is surprisingly pain free.

And hey, the BA cabin staff even manage to pause and smile! You wouldn't believe how that small smile matters after eight hours chained to a seat. Even a false smile will do. And so much better than the glance that says we have better things to do than parade up and down an aeroplane bringing you a Fanta to feed your fat arse. Get it yourself, bloody peasant.

Of course the interest the staff take in whether Squirrel wants a cup of coffee or not might be because the plane is half full, so the under staffing doesn't look quite so apparent.

And the fact that it is half full, for which I guess we can blame the economic downturn, means fat Grit can loll about over two seats, which becomes a positive advantage at bedtime, even though she has to take off her legs and shove them in an overhead locker to spread out on those seats to sleep.

Well airlines, take note. The BA staff might have their upper lips freshly starched every morning but this has to be better than the opening gambit of whadyakidswant? from the Emirates cabin crew when Squirrel was about to drop dead through thirst and neglect.

Marks out of ten to British Airways? Tiger 8/10. Shark 6/10. Squirrel 3/10. That possibly reflects the fact you didn't give her a free upgrade to first class. Your mistake was to let her know it exists.