Resolutions

What with the shiny new bathroom I realise there is no longer any place for my Bad Old Ways. The shiny white tiles, sparkling silver taps and polished black floor have won me over. I am making resolutions.

• I will buy proper nice face cream which comes in a little pot and I will stop using the vaseline.

• I will stop using Factor 20 sunscreen as night cream. I have been too mean to buy night cream. Well I'm going to buy night cream now, and I want that in a cute little pot too.

• I will use the Eve Lom cleanser. I wheedled this out of a freecycler in March, probably by claiming it was my last joy in life thanks to an impending hideous disease. Anyway I stopped using it because it is too nice. By the by, not using nice products is a pointless practice I've developed simply to avoid the disappointment of the pot being empty when I cannot afford to replace it. What really happens is that after several years of not using something I throw it out thinking, 'I should have used that'.

• I will look at my toenails and consider them on health and safety grounds, even though it is not summer.

• I will read the side of the Veet tube I bought about three years ago. It will scare me witless with images of peeling skin and I won't use it. But I feel that reading it is a step in the right direction.
  

• I will use body lotions. Clarins would be lovely if only I could afford it. Did you note that, Dig? I say Clarins would be lovely. Clarins, Clarins, Clarins. Moisture-Rich Body Lotion would be especially nice. I think you can get it in town Dig. By the way, is it nearly Christmas?

• The children are banned from playing in the bathroom. I will make a special sign. No Playing in the Bathroom.

• There's no point making a resolution about washing hair. I gave that up in 1989 for good reason and I'm not going back.

• I will throw out the grey face flannels. OK then, because I am mean, I will use them as floorcloths. And I will try not to forget.

• I will buy talcum powder. Scratch that. Apparently it travels up your bits and anyway it will make a mess in my beautiful new bathroom.

In pursuit of all the above and more I have told Dig that he'd better look sharp because one day I will leap up and go to the gym. And I have made an appointment with a Personal Shopping Advisor in John Lewis on Thursday. It's her job to do something about the baggy jumpers.

There. And it's not even January.