Contrast and compare

Dig texts me. He says he is in Yemen and it is beautiful. I say we have been on the A5115 and it is so-so.

Then he says that the flight into Yemen was lovely too. You get to go through the mountains at high altitude and see all the gorges. I say that is nothing. We have been on the Chester Park and Ride and you get to see the home improvement shop just off the ring road.

Dig is clearly impressed. He is trying a bit of oneupmanship on me now. He says the buildings in the old city of San'a' are magical. I snort. I tell Dig that we are actually, right this moment, standing in the Roman ampitheatre at Chester which has a footbridge built on it and a road going round the other bit. Beat that.

Dig is fuming. He says he has drunk ginger tea with Yemeni honey. I say we have some cheese sandwiches which have gone slightly stale.

I can see Dig is losing this. He says it has been sunny and warm and he has been in his shirtsleeves. Pah! I cry! That is nothing! The sky here is the colour of my dishcloth water and we have been freezing cold all day long!

And then, says Dig, I have given my lecture and everyone now thinks commas are important.

I can only swell with success. I tell him that Shark, Squirrel and Tiger have been filmed in the high street by a BBC camera man with their fingers all over an ice sculpture until Squirrel stuck her fingers up her nose.

I win.